I'm pretty fucking scared.

South Korea will by my home for a year. I anticipated leaving around Sept 14 or 15. So, yesterday... or rather, the day before... I found out that my departure date is August 31st.

Safe to say, I am not ready. In my head, I ask "what the fuck did I get myself into?" On the other hand, I know I've been wanting/needing this. To get away from Seattle and to do something different. And, how the way our economy is at the moment... I feel pretty damn lucky to have this once in a lifetime opportunity.

I was one of the 9 out of 25 that they choose. Free ticket, free rent, and a salary. So, what am I scared of? everything else. Scared to be by myself in a country that I am the foreigner, for people to look up to me cause I can speack English, to live by myself, and to leave my family, friends and the newly addition to my heart, the boyfriend.

I've been a little fatigue lately trying to get this around my head. TEFL course is hurting my head. Not enough sleep. Lack of nutritional food. Haven't gone to Crossfit. Been drinking coffee like a college student studying for finals. I feel like shit.

On a happier note,




life isn't so bad when you have best friends to make you cancel all your plans the day before to get away & drive 2 1/2 hrs to a beach for some peace. i ♥ you, fools. ^_^

[may.mary.gretchen. // ocean shores 08.05.09]

To Whom It May Concern

Why hello there. It's been a while since I blogged anything really. Even my fitness blog has been ignored. I'm sorry.

The month of June was pretty crazy. Filled with graduation celebrations, enjoying the sunshine, going on dates, which leads me to not being at home as much and seat in front of a computer.

Oh yeah, before that..I also accepted a teaching job to Korea. It's pretty exciting but I'm scared as fuck. Being at a place where you don't know anyone (literally!). It'll be an experience though, I'm keeping my head up.

To summarize: Richard's birthday, graduations, Jiezel & Ryan's wedding, Loren.


After 3 years, someone else took over... too bad, I'm leaving in 2 months. Well, I guess I'll see what happens right?

FITNESS

Today is Day 40 of the Foundation CrossFit "Get Right For The Summer" Challenge. So far, so good. Results may be really subtle but I feel more active, which was part of my goal. I'm excited until I reached that goal though. Working out CrossFit style is a little different (well, duh!). It's pretty high intense (duh!, again) It's like... I feel incomplete when I don't work out. But I guess, it's the routine that you get use to, right?

My fitness blog still needs to be updated tho. lol! My bad.
lol
This weekend, I hope to do these. Maybe. LOL:
1. Tabata This
2. 21 (to compare time last week)
3. Angie (100 - pullups, pushups, situps, squats)
4. As many squats as you can for 10 mins

GOAL & what's been good

1. JOB!!! I know it's a tough time but I seriously need one. My bills won't pay for itself. So, I gotta at least apply 5-10 (maybe 20, if available) different jobs every week until I find out. I'm bound to hit a jackpot, sometime *crosses finger*. And to remember, file weekly claim at unemployment.

2. FAIRS. Attend job fairs! That should be fun. whoohoo!

3. WEIGHT. I've been staying strong this past 3 months. Not MUCH change but at least I'm mentally getting use to working out and conscious of what I eat. I'm even consuming more water now. HAHA!

4. QUIT. It's my 4th day tomorrow of not smoking. So far it hasn't gotten me grumpy... so, I'm guessing that's a good sign right?

Anyhoo, what's been good?

1. Finally saw my relatives I haven't seen for 8 years. And oh me oh my, how things have changed. At least, we bonded and they're not shy around us :)


2. Shadee's 18th Birthday (DEBUT). It was a tons of fun, worth driving all the way to Mill Creek for. LOL. AND I was thankful that I got to be one of her 18 candles.


3. SAKURA CON. oh-em-gee. First time and it was quite interesting. Still thinking about next year. HAHAHA


So far, besides the events above... my life has pretty much been just covered with hanging out, staying at home, watching tv, hunting (but not as much as I should), and trying to work out. This CrossFit thing should keep me busy.

That should be it. <3 Mary

Something just triggered it.

I'm such in a weird mood lately (yet, again). Maybe it's this stupid weather or that I'm allergic to life because this allergies or cold (or whatever it is) has been with me FOR-EV-ER!

1. Dont tell me how to live my life in my 20's. Something tells me that I'm getting looked down on cause I'm out all the time. Even with that silence, I could still tell... dammit. Maybe you're just jealous because I have better friends than you do. Let me be. At least, I'm not pregnant at age 23. Yeah.

2. I'm envious of ppl who are in vacation outside Seattle. I was suppose to go out of town this weekend to Oregon with Mary Ann and couple other people... but there are just things that stopped me (mainly money, SIGH). It's been 9 months since I've been out of Seattle and at least 2 months I've been unemployed... and it's just been dragging me down that a lot of people I know are on vacation to Philippines, California, Vegas, Hawaii, Florida, drgmreoidfjvdfmgdrg. I need to get out.

3. At least I'm starting to observe more on how to be a "girl" or do girly things (e.i make up, hair, clothes). I guess it's about time.

4. I NEED A JOB DAMMMMMITTT. Honestly, being stuck seriously is pain in the ass. I fucking hate it. That's it.

WOW. negativety much, again?! My bads. I've just been on a trip lately. Oh well. As if anyone really reads this anyways. HAHAHA.

On a side note, I am going to try to make routine. It's listed. Let's put in work. GET YOU LIFE TOGETHER, MARY!

Thank you for reading my rant. Bye.

T'was a good day.

Me, Gretchen & Ate An jogged/walked at Seward Park. Went home to cooked for my little brother, since my sister don't! Then worked out again using my new yoga mat. (LOL! now, I just need to get my running shoes >.<) Then, went to Gretchen's...where May & Jiezel was there too. Four of us complete... just watching t.v and relaxing. AND I resisted eating lechon and bola-bola. HAHAHAHA. YEEE!

But forealz tho, I need to stop being a bum. I need to find me a job ASAP. UGH!! It's driving me crazy. Hopefully tomorrow, I mean later, I could wake up early enough so I can get online and apply to some places. I have to get my shit together and stop waking up past noon. FOREALZ.

So that way, I can get my ass out of my house to avoid unnecessary headaches and get my shit straight. So, I can get my dSLR camera, my own car, my own place with my own damn furniture. So I can buy food to put in the refrigerator without worrying that it's going to be eaten or walk around in my underwear without having the fear of someone going to a shock of seeing me in my underwear. HAHAHA. yeah.

Get my shit together.

That's nice.

What is it with people telling you what they did when you really didn't asked them? I'm tired and grumpy. HA, go figure.

So, last night was FASA FORMAL 2009 ("Into The Sunset"). For a while, I debated and opted not to go. Then, after texting couple of people... Rema said she was going and she wanted me to go. So in the end, it was me, Rema Imperial & Jason Daza. Got my hair and makeup done by Gretchen, which was totally different. Don't get me wrong, I didn't HATE it... but I guess, it was just something different and what I had on for Formal just didn't quite do me justice to my liking. Oh well. what is done is done.

Before the night started, I had to pick up Rema from her work. Drove to her place, so she could get ready. Jason met us up their as well with food from Dicks'. Of course, I only had the fries because of the no meat thing for Lent. Yeah, technically I gave up pork but I guess I'll try to stray away from other meat too. HAHA. So while that was happening, we were also sipping on some Pineapple Malibu Martini. Thank you, Rema!

We head out to the dance around 10:30pm (yeah, hooray for late comers!). Rema & I were racing to the bathroom, it was funny! After that, I decided to buy the 3 of us drinks. Then, there was this other guy next to me that ordered as well. But what happened was that the bartender made my drinks first. To make long story short, the guy thought he had cut me in line and after I eligibly said it was ok... he then asked if he could have a dance with me afterwards. I mean, where are we? At the club? HAHAHA. After trying to avoid seeing him again, he found me. I didn't want to be a bitch so I gave him a chance to dance, but I think he sense I felt force. LOL. I guess I am a bitch when it comes to the dance floor. My bad if I only like to dance with either myself or people I know. HAHA.

Overall, big ups to Christie Mortales & the rest of the FASA Officers 08-09 to a very successful FASA Formal. There was tons of people! And the venue, Seattle Design Center, was awesome! I wish we would've been there early. I was cut short of the time. LOL.

Post Formal was spent at Jason's bachelor pad till 7am! Playing Taboo ("All men have this...DICKS!"), that one Murder game ("What's the chances of me being an Assasin? 1-6!"), pillow fight, and Kings with water (!hahaa) with Jason, Roy, Mary Ann, Pui, Thuy and Jaime was super fun. Wow, one sentence summarizing 4-5 hours but 3 paragraph for 5-6 hours. LOL. Oh well. Is this boring yet? OH WELL again. Anyways, I was home by 8am and awake by 3pm. DAMN. wasted a day....BUT not really, cause it was ugly outside. HA!

Speaking of weather, seems like Seattle just got hit of all four seasons within a week span. SNOW. RAIN. SUN. WINDY. RAIN. wth!? And it looks like it's going to rain again tomorrow. UGH! This coming week, I'm starting my work out routine again. Last week was wack due to sickness and ugly weather. I need to get back on track! I need to stop being FAT. Yeah, I said it. dammit.

Alright, good night ya'll.

Late night ranting.

From facebook & myspace to blogspot. It's just that I can't go on blogspot through my phone. So here it is.

1. I really want to continue my workout. I may not be the runner but im getting a kick out of just jogging and just enjoying it. It's definitely starting to make me feel better.

2. Except right now, I can't. I've been sick since Sat. Granted, I dont have a fever anymore but I still feel like crap. I feel like a vegetable because Ive been either laying down or sitting these past couple of days. My thighs hurt. I tried to stretch it but pain consumes it. dammit. no pain, no gain...right?

3. Why the hell is it snowing again??? im done with it. go away!

4. Lent has officially started. hopefully? I'll actually go through with it... and even better if it continues after.

5. FASA formal this sat. If it doesnt feel shitty on fri or tomorrow even, Ill see if I could find a dress and might just end up going. eh.

6. For those who have TFC or THE FILIPINO CHANNEL at home, you might just get this. I am tired of seeing KRIS AQUINO's face! I mean does she really gotta have 3 effin show in the network?...6 out of 7 days, her face is shown. and her voice, omg!

7. Speaking of TFC, I also despise watching WOWOWEE. It's seriously a bad example or a representation. A rather exploitation of Filipinos for the sake of entertainment and money. Also, is there any other things to talk about besides celebrity gossips? ugh. oh yeah, media.

8. Easy to say...just dont watch it, right? well, its not so much when everyone in your house watches it and puts it in high volume! and a mother who insists to still have the tv on while its recording so she could watch it again later after work >.<

9. Ice cream, I miss you guilty pleasure. We'll get reacquinted again.

10. I gotta clean my storage and sell of my stuff. stay tune?

11. I want to watch some long korean love story. so I could laugh and cry...for a reason. being sick is draining. lol.

12. After 'Pride and Prejudice', I need to find 'Angels and Demons' so I could re-read it before the movie...I swear I took it home :(

13. I want a new camera toy --- preferably, a DSLR. nikon or canon. not sure which model tho. ugh... i need to go back to my photography!

...And that is it for now.

[EDIT: via Facebook. Friday, February 27, 2009 at 12:15am]

1. spring season, my favorite season, where art thou?

2. i dont have the money nor i could stand the action of it but i want to go shopping. i hate being broke.

3. i miss school or studying...or attempting to... but goes on facebook or myspace just to change your status. lol.

4. the memory card that has the P.I pictures finally got back to my hands. i thought i lost it during my sister's wedding but turns out gretchen had it, wth? lol. anyways, i was going through the memory lame of 2 summers ago and man.... i was going to cry. it was a fun trip : /

5. prince charming, where are you? hahahahahaha.

6. i want to hug a poster ;P

thats it. yee.

this&that.

Could've been at California right now. Oh well.

Back on the hunt. Yet. Again.

In all honesty, I'm kind of tired of it. I need stability. DAMMIT. Stupid economy.
Sometimes, I wish I would've taken a more "practical" major...and avoid coversations such as, "What did you major in college?", "American Ethnic Studies", (with the distinct confuse look in their face) "Oh... That's nice." Yeah, I get it. Not to say, AES was not a good choice at all. I loved my major. I learned a lot. That's all should matter, right? But man, I just need to start. It's been also a YEAR since I graduated and yet, I'm still stuck HERE. Where I started after grauduation.

I'm rather sick and tired and confuse, that is all.

Maybe, I have THIS.

Starting Over. Again.

Every year, I make an effort to "change" something for someone. Call it insecurities. This past year was definitely a lesson learned. Thanks to my friends, who never fails to be there for me... I am once again slapped in the face of what could've helped me out of my funk.

For now...

I'm at a point of self-reconstruction...Yes, Again. A point where I should be focusing on me. What I truly want can wait. God will make time for me. God will give me the right time to love unconditionally and have it return. Someday, I will win at this game. I can't and shouldn't be around people who plays me for a fool. I should be done being hurt. I should've learned from my past, right?

As of now, I have to stand up for myself. FUCK EVERYTHING ELSE. I've done that one too many time. I have gone hell and back (physically & emotionally) for other people... and what has THAT got me? nothing. nowhere I want to be. I can't keep playing the mediator. I can't be the pingpong that gets toss around back and forth because you want me too. I can't be a shadow that can mimik what you do.

I've lost myself one too many times. Given my heart plenty of times. And where does that got me?

With that said, I leave you (or myself) with this quote:

"Self-love is the foundation of our loving practice. Without it our other efforts to love fail. Giving ourselves love we provide our inner being with the opportunity to have the unconditional love we may have always longed to receive from someone else."